Don’t Let Your Thoughts Fool You: I Want to Help People is a review of various psychology research studies that will help you clear your mind about helping others.
On one gloomy day, I met a brown beard man while traveling on a metro train. The man looked elegant in walnut brown color trousers and off-white shirt. We started with a casual talk about each other’s work profile. He was working as a manager of business operations in the automobile industry. He shared a few situations where he had worked under extreme pressure. As a father, he sounded displeased with his son’s job profile. And he wished to serve the people after retirement. But he doesn’t know how to help them.
We all understand that helping people is humanity ‘s prime motive, but if you couldn’t consciously help yourself first, would you be able to help others? If the manager isn’t helping him to manage his internal conflicts or emotions, would he be able to understand the value of helping others?
Let us take a very simple example of helping others through charity. If your mind is not your control, the charity would just be an act of ignorance.
The Bhagavad Geeta chapter 18 says. ” Charity performed at an impure place, at an improper time, to unworthy persons, or without proper attention and respect is said to be in the mode of ignorance.”
You might make a bad decision and end up wasting your money by impersonating scammers.
I have heard a lot of people asking questions in career development sessions: “I want to help people, but I don’t know how?
And people are obsessed with jumping into professions like life coaches and counselors. The motivation behind choosing this profession is to help others more than to earn a living.
I have no intent in pointing out any profession, but it would be better to take time to choose your career by self-realization.
There is a threadlike difference in following your true dream and most of the time many people repurpose their goal based on the realization that comes from their collective experiences.
Practically, “People need advice and direction only, they are capable of deciding what action they need to take.”
According to the Harvard Business Review,2020, “A coach’s accomplishment can be measured by their ability to help a person grow to the point where he no longer requires him.”
Why do I always want to help people?
According to the research published in, personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, if you assist someone with emotional regulation, your efforts are helping your own self to practice for future situations. In short, the beautiful words of Saint Francis of Assisi said, “For it is in giving that we receive.”
The positive feeling you felt when you helped someone is what makes us “feel good”. This “feel good” feeling “ascends in our brain to release happiness trifecta:
- Serotonin (strong feelings of well-being)
- Dopamine (increases motivation)
- Oxytocin (upsurges a feeling of connection to others)
The happiness trifecta kept us motivated to offer to help others in the best possible way. Helping others is a beautiful feeling that sparks a positive change in people with depression or anxiety.
The social regulation of emotion is the main factor in relationships. If you are seeking advice or giving advice to people on emotional regulation acceptance or reappraisal would help in your emotional well-being too.
The reasons behind, why I always want to help people are:
- You want to heal your emotional blockages.
- You love to live in happiness trifecta.
- You know how being empathetic help solve problems.
- The more smile you will bring the better you will live.
There is the surest way to get a positive mindset when you have the free will to help others.
Other societal perspectives on helping others
What when free will is disillusioned with certain things like
- Reciprocity Norm.
- Social Trap.
- Bystander Effect
If you are feeling the above effects or forcing yourself with helping others, then you are in a circle of unconsciously overlooking your emotional needs.
Reciprocity Norm
The reciprocity norm in psychology is the behavior of a person who thinks he would only help those who helped him.
On a broader side, reciprocity is considered the start of a relationship, as we also tell our kids that “sharing is caring.”
However, it is not always successful in every way. It has its pitfalls.
People frequently use this strategy to initiate a social connection and expect something in return. E.g., if any of your neighbors offered you a small bowl of sweet dishes prepared in their home or offered you a snack in the office, once you started, they would unconsciously expect a much bigger demand. This social norm has been termed the “foot-in-the-door” technique.
A person starts by asking you a large favor. Knowing this they intended to ask for a small help. This is called the “door-in-the-face” technique.
In this, the intent of the person is to examine your competence of providing him or her best your best possible efforts.
Social Trap
A person or group of people assists another person for their own short-term benefit. Global warming is the impact of the social trap. Where People are working for their self-interest and not buying fuel-efficient vehicles.
Bystander effect
The bystander effect occurs when someone is in pain and surrounded by people, and other people pass by and notice him being surrounded. Since it has been thought that if others are present, he is not needed. Research has been carried out on the social psychology of bystanders and on what terms they would come to help.
The above three are the negative side of the social psychology of helping others. The intention behind the assistance turns out to be either short-term or long-term selfishness.
Set a specific goal to help people
To help people you should be aware of your strength and skills. Before bringing a difference in others’ life it is important to take care of your economic security. To be specific, if you dreamed of becoming an engineer and you succeeded in entering a good company with an attractive package. To earn and survive in the job, you would learn ample situations to manage various things on the personal and family front.
If you want to help you may provide free classes to freshers seeking jobs in companies as it will be more comfortable in providing educational help to youth.
You may give a free motivational talk to youth addressing the things you managed when you started the job.
If you want to work for the environment, you could contribute to proper planning.
In short, to provide the help you need to understand the ground reality through your experience. When you had put effort into something, thousands of people lags to reach it even at that point. You could help to make a difference in those people’s lives. Because no one has much experience as you have in your niche. Concentrate and work on where you think you could bring solutions to people.
Social Responsibility Norm
The principle of social responsibility is the idea of helping others in a responsible way in order to contribute to your surroundings. It is described as a social responsibility to assist people and even animals with their needs. Individuals or groups of people who are motivated to assist others in society and assist those in need are referred to as having social responsibility.” The social responsibility theory was theorized by Sibert, Peterson, and Schrann in a book named four theories.
It implies that it is far more beneficial to act closer to a problem than to be resistant to it. Social responsibility entails preventing corrupt, irresponsible, or unethical behavior that could harm the community, its people, or the environment before it occurs.
You can help people, the environment, and this nature in many ways.
It is our responsibility to help in an environmental, moral, and economic way. If you feel it is part of this environment, it is a blessing, but it should not make you feel pressurized, frustrated, and sad after providing help.
There are many people who later, many years of their job realized to use their passion, and knowledge to work for people, and animals and earn by helping them.
Peepal farm– (Charitable stray dog organization)
This is the story of a simple man, Robin Singh, who carries a golden heart. After his graduation on the basis of his freelance online work, he got his golden call to come United states.
Both surprised and excited about this opportunity, he reached America in 2003. After reaching the U.S. his profile was to sell software. Within a short span of time, he got successful and bought his home. Then a time came when the luxurious lifestyle was no longer serving him peace of mind. So, he decided to give himself a goal.
Robin’s enlightenment after reading buddha’s book turned him to think that his luxurious lifestyle was on other efforts. He turned vegan and bought almost everything second-hand. He decided to repurpose his life and work against suffering. He wanted to earn money. He realized to work against physical pain.
Doctors asked him to take antidepressants and suppress this feeling. He denied having medicines and decided to embrace his feeling. Robin helped Lauren, 60 years aged woman, dedicated herself to serving 50-60 dogs by collecting leftover food from restaurants.
He came from the U.S. ,And tried helping dogs in Delhi at first and finally opened his organization “PEEPAL FARM”. The farm is in Dhanotu, near Dharamshala, Distt. Kangra, Himachal Pradesh, India. His idea was to make stray dogs and cows shed, a kitchen, and a volunteers’ room.
Robin Started his journey in 21 as a young lad finding his happiness in watching television and smoking converted him into a simple man living in a mud house.
The drastic change made him realize is to consume only plant-based food and inculcate good things in life to reprogram his mind. By serving stray animals gave him the deep satisfaction that he felt no one could ever snatch from him.
He extended his organization to a woman-powered small-scale enterprise where local ladies earn by preparing homemade healthy eateries.
Conclusion: Our mind Is a super complex tool in our machinery. So, when you decided to help others or seek help from others, the most important part is your intentions.
The intentions should be as pure and should work for yours and others’ benefit. And always learn that you cannot help others without helping yourself
